Energy.

Our minds are sacred places, we have to filter anything that we intend to accommodate or else we accommodate a sort of soot that piles up and lodges in our minds. Once it is embedded, we start to fall apart. I wanna talk about one of the habits that can demolish the sanctity of our minds bodies.

This can happen to any of us. Personally, I restrict how much exposure I have to social media in my life. About two months ago, my cousins came for a sleepover at ours. It was really nice having them over considering we had close to no relationship prior to that sleepover. I wasn’t surprised when she said that she didn’t like me before that lol. Anyway, we shared many memories and experiences. My cousin has multitudinous followers on all social media platforms, Twitter especially.

Seeing her with all these followers corrupted my mind. I have read a number of books, heard a couple of podcasts and meditation sessions concerning social media and how it can deprave our minds of their sanctity, but I lost myself after seeing her followers. I started commenting and liking accounts of users who basically advertise your page so that people may follow you. I did this for about 3 days and then one of my friends mentioned it. and when I told him that I was doing it because I wanted more followers, he gave me a very simple and sharp answer, “Just post funny shit” lol. It was at this point when I realized that I was straining myself to get followed by people who I didn’t know and added no value to my life. Luckily I was still able to w/draw myself from this vile act before it was too late. I know that it was going to turn into a habit soon cause I’d spend more than 30 minutes looking for such accounts to get advertised like a second hand car lol.

Social media will prey on your sanctity. I have a couple of friends who face various mental challenges. One thing we never realize is that social media is one of the most effective causes of mental health disorders such as depression, anxiety and so on. I know a person who has scrambled to win the fight against anorexia nervosa for a couple of years. One day we were talking and when I asked her about why she had an obsession over what she eats or gaining any weight, she told me that she felt bad when she looked at herself in the mirror and then saw some famous model posing in a bikini looking impeccable a few swipes later.

It is futile to obsess over what car your friend has posted, or how this person looks in a bikini. Be happy with who you are, and if you aren’t then work towards improving who you are. This cannot be done by eating an apple a day and starving yourself or having 2,000 fake followers so that you can feel like you fit in. We should all take care of our minds, bodies and spirit, however social media isn’t all bad. It’s also pretty hilarious and can be used for many other beneficial purposes. However, know your limit or at least how to overcome habits that will deprive you of your happiness and tranquility.

To accomplish immeasurable happiness, you must be happy with your body, spirit and mind and to achieve this you should be able to have your mind in an extraordinarily quiet and still state. Therefore, meditate, surround yourself with positive energy and listen to or read material that helps you achieve the happiness you deserve. Just like rain easily breaks into a house with a bad roof, desire, depression and other disorders easily break into a mind that isn’t complete.

Meditation is a vital way to purify and quiet the mind, thus rejuvenating the body. Love, especially self-love, is a natural source of sacred energy.

Amadi

Natasha's Chronicles

Amadi,
We spent most of this day together
Talking.. about ocean life & other stories.
We soaked in some silence.
•
This place has a way of calling its children. We listened, He & I.
Occupying our different stories, leaning into this shared space.
•
He was at home with the ocean, and I’d come home to it.
This day seemed to stretch on & on in time, beckoning me to speak my hopes, lay out my fears & listen.
I did, in silence..
If he had any questions – about why I was there, alone or at all, he didn’t say.
Something tells me he knew it wasn’t the ocean animals I was there to see.
I had longed for rest. Spiritual rest.
•
So he rowed & rowed & rowed.
~NM

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We Hold Our Gaze

Natasha's Chronicles

We hold our gaze

In place. We

Behold your faces

In every rising sun. Your

Cries are engraved

In lasting Memory

You paid the

Undeniable, untimely price

Your screams – our scars

Your dreams – turned to dust

This flame burns

To honour you

Your names

Could never be forgotten

We hold our gaze

In place. For you.

Bana b’uRwanda,

Tuzabahoza kumutima

~NM

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Masks.

We all know what masks are, essentially created for different reasons. They’re worn on the face for different reasons such as during heists, by wrestlers such as Rey Mystery, Kane and so on, in movies such as Black Panther and in music videos such as songs by  Marshmello, and many other performances. They were even used by the plague doctors who treated the victims of the bubonic plague.   

Ultimately, all masks despite the color, design, era or purpose have their purpose linked to concealing one’s identity. I mean, Clark Kent wore a mask to protect Lois and many other people. There’s many other examples but that’s not what I’m here to talk about today. 

Civilisation today wears masks to hide the true figure that is hurting, scarred, disfigured, defaced and sullied. Society has consumed us to the point that we have to hide our true feelings and faces from the people we consider as those “we cannot live without.” LE SIGH!

We wake up shattered and fractured only to stare into a shiny mirror where we see a reflection of the mask of that day. Once the mask is on, we laugh at the “fools” who are brave enough to allow to be seen. A FUCKING MASQUERADE. Modern society is a biological disaster masquerading as progress.

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.

When you’re alone and the mask is useless, or you’re exhausted from the lack of connection and make-believe, you be yourself. Sad, weak, broken, regretful, unwanted, mournful and wretched, you relate with the “fool” who is even stronger than you since he or she was able to love who he or she really is. 

Live YOUR life. Life doesn’t always make sense. But you have to look inside yourself, stop focusing on the negative and carrying it around. Drop it and look at what is in front of you, because that’s where the positive and contentment are waiting for you. You are enough, you are beautiful, you are gifted. You are made perfectly in the image of a higher place. 

That One

Such a pulchritudinous poem.

Natasha's Chronicles

To some,

You will show your heart

Unsure why or how

You will show them the scars

Unsure if they’ll take it in stride

To some,

You will be too vast

Too scary, too wild

To take in all at once…

To some,

You will be a lifetime

Of adventure

Of slow, steady,

Bold & brave love…

To one,

You will be all they’ve got

Constant

Through darkness & light

That one will always be you.

                                                           ~NM

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When I Fall in Love.

When I fall in love,

I want my love to be one of those that lasts forever.

But nothing lasts forever, 

Everyone who has ever owned or possessed something thought it was theirs for eternity. 

But when I fall out of love, I will never give out my heart. 

When I fall in love, 

I will love with my all, through thick and thin. 

I will persevere through the good times and the bad. 

The one I will give my heart to will not have to worry about the flaws, imperfections or fallibility. 

No blemish could ever disrupt true love.

When I fall in love, 

I never want to go to sleep alone or wake up to an empty bed. 

I want to grow old with the same person that I fell in love with while so young and strong. 

Our love will be young and strong,

We will be forever young at heart. 

When I fall in love, 

I will have time and patience so that you catch me.

I will wait for you to feel the coruscating love I hold for you. 

And from then, if you feel the same,

Our love will grow passed any other. 

When we fall in love, 

It will be right, and immense. 

It will be sad and it will hurt, 

But it will also bring happiness and joy. 

When we fall in love, 

I won’t ever let you go.

And we will mend each others broken pieces. 

‘First best is falling in love. Second best is being in love. Least best is falling out of love. But any of it is better than never having been in love.’

Maya Angelou

A Soliloquy by An Unwanted Heart.

Is it too much to ask for? A happy place where I can be myself. A place where all scars heal and the mark left behind is a lesson learnt granting experience and not pain that doesn’t stop tormenting me! A place where your height, weight, complexion, status or gender doesn’t matter. A place where I am king, queen, emperor or a freaking unicorn. A place where everything around me is real, happy and loving. Sadly, the price to pay for happiness or content at times outweighs how much I am able to pay.

Now that I am sober, I have a painful hangover! To muddle through the pain of being alone, I resort to booze and other recreational drugs in order to have a good time with myself and the people that care for me. They’ll never know though, I just keep on hurting underneath the facade. All I want to hear is don’t cry, or that I am loved but I fear to be branded “emotional guy or emotional chick.” I mean, the last person I shared with said I shouldn’t be all up in my feelings like that. 

You always come around and cover all the pain with love. When I fall on the ground, you pick me up and smile at me and say that it will be okay cause we’re in it together. That one smile sets the curve straight and reassures me that I am loved, that someone still cares. Nothing else matters when I look into your eyes, not the painful scars, the painful memories, the painful words or previous heartbreaks. You’re it.   Shoot, I wake up. This place of tranquility is but a short-lived dream. 

As I take that hot shower for twenty minutes, I wish I owned a pause button to life, or a rewind button to change something or a fast forward button to see if there is happiness for me in the future. In those twenty minutes, I fly away to a world that only I know about. A world where I get the girl of my dreams, the successful career or excellent grades that I never got. A world where I knew better. A world where I was more beautiful and had more friends. When I step out, I realize that nothing has changed and revert to the facade. 

I can’t help but wonder if I’m the only one with this void in my life. Is there anyone else that feels this way? I certainly hope not. I hope you wake up and look at the face of the person you love right next to you. I hope you wake up and look at a reflection of beauty, a reflection that you are proud of. I hope that the people around you love you and tell you that it’s gonna be okay. I hope they tell you that you shouldn’t cry because then the tears won’t let you see the stars. 

I wish I could go back to a time when I was little because skinned knees are less painful than a broken heart. 

Turn your Wounds into Wisdom.

Gin on the rocks, staring at my drink I realize just how different things look through our eyes. I’m looking at a glass with gin, another person somewhere in the world is looking at the same glass as a means to an end. He or she would rather have water, soda or juice in his or her glass.

If I notice that my glass is running empty and I need to refill, someone else might look at it like the glass is just halfway full and they need to deal with what’s left and that will be their goal.

How we look at things in life really shapes us for our next decision tomorrow, next month or next year. Perception. But then again, humans see what they want to see.

Perception; how one understands something. We understand different concepts of life through our senses, basically. When I taste chili, it’s super hot. Heck, I ask people why they would put their tongues and taste buds through a taste so disgusting it makes food nasty. Why would I pay for a meal simply to find it disgusting?

In the other eyes of someone else, chili is hot but he or she eats it because it has medicinal or nutritious purposes. And then there’s someone else out there who finds food without chili tacky, tasteless or simply inedible. Anyway, you’ll probably say that one man’s food is another’s poison. Remember, turn your wounds into wisdom.

At some point we all learn how to ride bikes or drive a car. When I was learning how to ride a bike, I had those training wheels on. Once I mastered them, they were taken off but even then, I needed someone to hold the bike as I rode. When I thought I was ready, I sped down a hill and fell. I got bruises, however, I learnt from that experience. When going down a hill, brake or at least keep your fingers on the brake. 

Wounds do not have to be physical, or at least they do not have to be bruises, cuts, burns and so on. They can be emotional, psychological or even mental. There is always a lesson, or in this case wisdom, behind everything we go through. What matters isn’t what anyone else thinks of the situation, what matters is what you pick from it. 

When we mishandle sharp objects such as knives, we get cut. After that, we learn not to carry a knife by the sharp side but rather the handle. Much as life is hard and we face difficult experiences, the next time we face a similar condition or circumstances, we deal with it by holding the handle and not the sharp side that cuts.

Turning our wounds into wisdom isn’t an easy task. However, we can complete the transaction successfully. The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper and look at them from our own point of view. What we see or hear depends greatly on where we stand and what kind of people we are, or what kind of person I am.

When we’re lied to, maybe by a friend that we did not expect such from…we can either learn from the situation or hold onto the past. Holding onto the past interrupts our journey to moving on and learning from our past experiences. Therefore, we leave ourselves liable to betrayal or ache from the same person or people doing the same thing once more. 

However, if we turn the wound into wisdom, we accept who we are and because we are looking at a scenario from our own points of view; we do not need the approval of someone else. Much as we’re supposed to have our own perception of things, we solely depend on the thoughts or feelings others have towards us. Emotional dependence is the opposite of emotional strength. 

Sometimes, we find ourselves so far down the hole that no one would understand or look at the situation the same way we do. For fear of being called names or words like weak, soft or sensitive, we keep the wound. You cannot fail if your determination to grow is stronger than failure. Always learn from your bad experiences so that we can react differently. 

Change the way you look at things and things will change. 

 

 

Words From the Heart.

We all feel this, the ache to say how we truly feel about something or someone. Perhaps it’s because you need financial aid, perhaps someone has wronged you or in most cases; you’re sprung but you cannot speak your heart out. 

It’s true, sometimes not speaking says all the words in the world. However, what about the other times it doesn’t? Those times when the hostility you feel towards a person is too much it chokes you. Besides, it is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.

Now and again, we all zone out and have THAT dialogue. We interchange a series of words, thoughts and emotions with the one person who will give you empathy, love, hate, forgiveness and so on. Our hearts. However, that’s where it ends because our hearts can’t speak. 

True, not all that our hearts would speak is positive. Therefore, we ought to remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. 

Imagine what it’d be like if our hearts could speak and not our mouths? Our mouths deceive but the heart is pure. What would your heart say if it could speak to someone? I love you, I hate you, You’re ugly? 

Better still, what would your heart say if it could speak to you? When you’re down, when you feel like you have been broken into pieces and swept to the side or swept to a trash can, what would it tell you? 

Would you heart simply remain silent because you deserve that? Or would it say that you are like Kintsugi, that Japanese art form where broken ceramics are gently put back together to make something new. The repairs are visible, and yet, the beauty of the metal makes them beautiful. Like you.

Imagine wanting to speak your heart out but  standing in need of the right receiver? Or speaking your heart out only to a receiver that is disinterested! This shouldn’t discourage you because we all know that saying, “Listen to your heart.” Besides, 

As for lovers, well, they’ll come and go too. And baby, I hate to say it, most of them – actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can’t give up because if you give up, you’ll never find your soulmate. You’ll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling.

Marilyn Monroe.

However, what if your heart is so broken? So broken that the message it speaks to you is broken! Broken hearts are the hardest thing to fix, aren’t they? So should we forever shun what our hearts say because they are broken? Or put our broken pieces back together? 

Shunning the communication from our hearts is like looking at the world with tears in our eyes. We shouldn’t cry when the sun is gone, because then the tears will not allow us to see the stars. A broken heart furnishes us with the required kit for the moment when the real thing comes along. 

Find a way to mend your broken heart; then your soul will smile through your heart and your heart through your eyes. Then you shall exhale words of beaming light to another heart in need. 

Speech is Silver, Silence is Gold.

Jeez! Won’t they think I’m a loner?

Or perhaps that I am unwell, depressed, crestfallen?

Should this matter?

Why is it that only the old are able to sit next to each other in silence and feel content?

For us, we must break the silence. Silence is pure and holy.

It can even bring us closer together.

When you lie down in the grass, after a moment of silence,

The world speaks to you. You can listen to silence and learn from it.

I need to be alone. I need to ponder my shame and my despair in seclusion;

I need the sunshine and the paving stones of the streets without companions,

Without conversation, face to face with myself, with only the music of my heart for company.

Besides, silence is a true friend who never betrays.

Put some time aside and be silent. Meditate, reflect, allow yourself to be in a brown study.

Heal yourself or upgrade yourself.